Your Incredible Luck

May 1, 2009

Do you believe in luck? I do. More than ever, now! The significance of luck in the existence of every human being is appreciably larger than what most of us would like to agree. People would always love to believe in themselves and their abilities. And that’s not a bad thing, not until you overestimate your own control on things. A comprehension of what is beyond your own capabilities is always good. And apparently what is in your control may become microscopic when you compare it with what is beyond you. Luck is essentially everything that is out of our control and that what controls us. Everything that directly or indirectly shapes up the evolution of our civilizations. Our co-existence with an elaborate social structure is heavily influenced by our chances.  

Our present can be seen as an outcome to an array of both controllable and uncontrollable events of past. We generally feel blind about what is out of our power and consequently comes to think that all what is happening is a net resultant of all what we are doing. It’s basically a delusion.  We generally care only about that microscopic part of our life of which we are in control. And perhaps for ensuring some sort of a progression in our existence such a delusion is very important. If we stop caring about what we should be cared about, it’s failure again. So consider Mr. A, who is presently doing engineering, and if A works hard, in future he would become a successful engineer. ‘If he works hard’ is the microscopic controllable fraction and all what we are concerned about. There is an indomitable past, present and future to it. ‘A’ was born in a family, a place, a country where he could afford to go learn engineering. Mr. A possibly couldn’t have had any say on such things. Then there is an equally uncertain future. What if Mr. A get’s into an accident or what if America decides to attack Mr. A’s country? A becomes not what he chooses to be, but what a set of random interrelated incidents around him leads him to be. Chaos.

 Then there are two other concepts of fate and destiny, which I think is absurd. In fate your luck is predetermined. It was already determined that Mr. A should be born in that particular place, family, country and should go to engineering and no matter how hard he tries he wouldn’t become a successful engineer if the fate has it that way. Now that’s perennial hopelessness.  But in many ways luck is not. Your luck is not predetermined. But you couldn’t do anything about either. You are not in control. Nobody is!

 So who decides what luck should come to you? GOD, maybe? No I don’t think so. Because if he was in control why would GOD give Mr. A all the luck in the world to become an engineer while Mr. B born in a poor family in Afghanistan, who happens to be a little more intelligent and talented , get’s neglected ? Why would you get the providence today to enjoy that  late night party with your friends, when in some other parts of the world men are mourning the deaths of their own sons and daughters? Why them and not you? Is god biased that way? May be, the intervention of the divine power in our lives is a far more complicated and unsettled subject.

So, it’s just a thought on how random and uncertain our life is. It’s not about the good luck or the bad luck but about how out of control everything is. Most people would tell you that you can make your own luck. I believe they are lying. Lying, probably only to help you out. Only to sustain a harmless fallacy that would lead to an overall happiness. I believe in luck for all the livid perplexity it offers. Like Woody Allen I believe in the man who said ‘I would rather be lucky than be good’.

P.S: Sorry for that shameless lame example of Mr. A and engineering. Just too sorry about that!



January 25, 2009

“We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” 
                                                                                    –Tyler Durden

To be satisfied with everything is such an impossibility. And so is being unsatisfied about all things. When the excuses you find becomes of no further use, then you want a change. You are so much unsatisfied about yourself and you have to choose. You have to find out the best façade among all. But the one you choose would never work with you. And that is why you are always so much unsatisfied. Then you got to make another choice. It’s like a cycle. And soon you will forget what you really want and what you really are. Being confused about how to pretend is such an awkward state of life. I’ am tired about it.

Now, do forget the bakwaas. A while since I came on the blog now. This should be an update post or something. Life continues to be that little bitch. But it’s quiet okay with me now. The college is getting so boring and I find no interest in whatsoever they teach there. The fucking Lab guy there wants my hairs shortened. I have been working on this shit for a long time now and all of a sudden he wants it all cut down. No, it’s not about losing the hair, but about ‘Why the fuck should a bald headed lab assistant guy tell me what I should do about my hair?’ Is this their way of making the perfect bunch of unemployed engineers for the days to come? Fine anyway. Also, Internet connectivity had become such a scarce thing in my life. With more working days and the poor fucking wifi network provided by the college, the future seems so dull. By the way, why on earth am I droning about the college in the blog? Nothing makes any sense no more.

Last night a few of us friends had a weird interesting conversation on ‘How important it is to have an ability to sing’. Singers are turning out to be the sexiest people on the world. People unconditionally love this singer guys. Girls do it with added ‘unconditionality’. Now that’s something which surely doesn’t comfort you too much. Especially when you know that you can’t sing very well. While in the conversation we all admitted how envious we are all about these singing people. I mean we do love singers and all that but ain’t this a bit of a biased kind of world that we are living in? You could see this as the weak man’s side of the story, but that makes no difference to me whatsoever. Okay, now nothing goes unresolved when we friends have a serious talk. Finally we all decided to learn at least one musical instruments in our days. To splash water over that burning feeling of unworthiness and to convince ourselves that we are trying. Sick it sounds, but sicker it would be without something like this! No, but seriously, I have been craving to learn some kind of a musical instrument for a long time now. Haven’t decided which one or where, suggestions are open and are welcome on this. Lately, I have been so much depressed about how lazy things are getting to be and how badly I ‘am being all the more invisible to the world which I would love to get noticed by. It’s all complicated and it happens with everyone I think.

Well so much for the whining now. The perfectly senseless and weird post already served its purpose, as I ‘am feeling a bit better now! And I ‘am feeling hungry too.

P.S: In Tyler Durden, we trust!


November 15, 2008

Big bro Rohan tagged me with ‘The list of 150 things you must do before 30 ‘. The list seemed so incomprehensive for me and my highly adventures life! 🙂 Besides, I ‘am just 20, and there seems to be a hell lot of time before me. So I decided not to do the tag in the conventional way.

So here I present

“Things I wouldn’t mind doing before turning 30” (from the list)

1.       Buy everyone in the bar a drink
2.      Take a Ferrari for a test drive (no plan to buy it, though)
3.      Bungee jump!
4.      Go inside the great pyramids (and say hello to the mummies!)
5.      Visit Paris (Sydney and Cape Town too)
6.      Watch a lightning storm at sea (from a helicopter maybe)
7.      Take a trip in a hot air balloon
8.       Get drunk on champagne (yay!)
9.      Dance with a stranger in a foreign country (I prefer a Latin American!)
10.    Go sky diving (this one is a ‘must do’)
11.     Kiss in the rain (Hell yay!)
12.     Be in a movie (a horror flick!)
13.     Crash a party
14.     Go to Las Vegas
15.     Pick up and move to another city to just start over (I got plans!)
16.     Survive an (all the) accident(accidents) that you shouldn’t have survived
17.     Write articles for a large publication
18.     Lost over 100 pounds (strictly no exercise and no diets)
19.     Break someone’s heart
20.    Fire a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (Shotguns…a spas 12 gauge will be       perfect!)
21.    Have your picture in the newspaper (again and again) 
22.    Built your own PC from parts (and make my own parts too)
23.    Sell your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (ofcourse, at unreasonable prices)


yeah, that’s it! 

Superstitiously Fine!

November 9, 2008

Last day I was getting ready for the university examination and just about when I was to leave home, my mom came and told me to wait. She said it was ‘rahukalam’ right then and wanted me to wait till it gets over. Unlike the cool youngsters you see on T.V and movies, I wasn’t able to tell mom to stop being stupid. I didn’t tell a word. Instead I waited peacefully for half an hour and made sure that I ‘am free from all the bad omens.  It was an important exam, and I hadn’t even covered half the portions for the exam, but that doesn’t matter. I left my home at the most auspicious timing!

 Even though I pretend to be a very rational human being, the truth is that I often give into a lot of such superstitions’ in my life. I don’t think I really believe in stuff like this, but nonetheless there is an agitation or fear related with all these omen stuffs. The ‘nail superstitions’ is one ritual I have been practising since ages. Years ago my grandmother told me not to cut the nails on Tuesdays and Fridays. Again don’t cut your nails at the night. And me, I never really cut my nails at all! Sick, but propitious! And another related ritual is not to cut your nails while exams are going on (I don’t know where I got this one from). Most of the exams will be at least a month long. Longer the exams, longer will be my nails.These superstitions work when they add up with my laziness. Then there is this bird omen. There is this particular kind of local bird; if you see them in even numbers your day will be good and if they appear in odd numbers, your day is gone. The bird is very common around our place and I was sure to see one or two every day. And so, counting the birds almost became daily function. Back when I was a kid, I remember waiting for more birds to come and add up to an even number. Even now, if I see that bird, I usually count them! Breaking the glass is considered ominous. And I get to break one or two every month. Its real bad omen and my mother gets a sad face. I have even managed to break some glasses in someone else’s house and have felt bad seeing their face go dull! Then the lizard omen, which I got from a movie,which is the most terrifying among all. If a lizard falls on your head, it means that you would die soon! And I remember going mad with fear, when one fucking lizard fall on me one night. I lost sleep for some three days! Thankfully I didn’t die.

Ill omens are all what matters. And if some good omens come on my way, I normally won’t mind it. The rational me would think “Come on you loser, nothing good ain’t gonna happen with you just because a bird showed up or something”. But when bad ones show up, I somehow losses all the courage..!
And vary rarely am I really cared about the ultimate result of an omen. It’s generally all about that moment when it shows up on you. Maybe I will never gain the courage to overcome that moment’s aversion. Well that really doesn’t matter much, does it?

Anyway, I fucked up that exam, even after doing everything righteously! Don’t know how that happened!!


GTA IV – pc version is on its way!

August 10, 2008

“Remember, remember, the 18th of November…!”

Finally came the official announcement.(here)
‘GTA IV pc’ is coming out on the 18th of this November.

I ‘am excited.

And I ‘am getting myself ready. Most probably, I will need some hardware up gradation. Whatever it takes…

Primarily, for all things, I need money. Not just for the GTA thing, but generally…I need to make some money…
This thought have been inside me for some time now…We guys (me + my ‘poor’ friends) are seriously planing on how to make some real cash…hopefully we will turn lucky and win some lottery or something (and no real hard work will go into it)…and we will be rich…someday…

The Grandma Who Never Died !

January 27, 2008

The old grandma was 89 years old. She was in a pretty bad condition, she was already half dead! It has been more than 2 years since her world had shrunken into this small bed in the corner of the darkest room in the house. Doctors had found several definitions for her condition, but no one really cared for all those medical details. She was getting too old and these things should be happening. A nurse was appointed for talking care of grandma and everyone was busy on other jobs. Her memory wasn’t completely blank, but they were in no definite form. She tried too hard but couldn’t remember the face of her husband (she knew there was one) but could well recollect the necklace she wore on their marriage. Her eyelids and lips were the only movable parts left on her aged, crumbled body. Even they moved, only when they wanted to move and not really when the grandma wanted them to move. Difficult condition you see! But, grandma was alright. She have become used to all these. She had no time for complaining, for she was unconscious for 80% of her lifetime and with the rest 20% she was extremely busy, with stuffs like food, medicine and similar things…

In her sleep, she used to have dreams about her olden days and very rarely about her future and present. She knew that, of all things that can happen, a ‘perfect complete death’ can be the only solution to her problems (Yes, she was very much aware of her condition). But she however was afraid of death. So she never loved such dreams she occasionally had (referring death).

They say that people are put into such conditions, even deprived of an opportunity to die, for the sins they have committed over their life time. The more the number of sins the more will you suffer! You are assigned a particular time span to agonize like this, according to the size of your misdeeds. Everyone knew that grandma will have to wait till this ‘period of punishment’ assigned to her gets over. Death will follow then. There was always many people coming and going into the house to visit and sympathize grandma. She belonged to a rich zamindar family which had association with a lot of people. Her husband was a very respectful person in the village and was known for all the good deeds he have done to the village for its developments. But the villagers believed that this man had a disastrous family life. In the eyes of these villagers, our poor grandma was a bit of a crooked lady. They even accused her for the early death of her husband out of a heart attack. This crooked image of grandma remained as a solid proof for all those ‘sin and suffering’ stories.

The grandma was staying with her eldest son and his family in their old house at the village. So one fine day, a brand new member came into this house. Grandma’s eldest son’s third daughter gave birth to beautiful son on that glorious day. The house was rejoicing for this new gift they got. Large number of relatives, neighbors, friends and acquaintances rushed into the home. The house suddenly got too crowded. Big noise and Celebrations everywhere! And in the dark corner, our grandma (of course, unaware of every new development) wakes up from her sleep. She hears all these big sounds all around her. It was not pleasing to her ears. She was horrified. She supposed something bad is coming her way. She knew it. She was sure. What else could be that…other than DEATH….…Yaman is coming her way and his large bull was making this horrifying sound…extreme fear started to fill grandma’s half awake mind. She tried to open her eyes…with all her strength…she didn’t want to die…she tried to keep her eyes open…and now to her surprise….she can clearly see all those things around her…she can see so many people around her, much more people than she have ever seen. Grandma can’t recognize those faces, but sure they seems familiar.

Suddenly, with a chill grandma realized the possiblity that she is already dead…and these people are gathered here to mourn for her ….oh yes….Death have at last come over her. Grandma felt something unexplainable on her mind. She didn’t want to think more about it then. With a silent sigh she closed her eyes..tightly…as if she agreed her defeat…!


The small crowd around me bursts into loud laughter. I too laughed, though not that loud as others did. Such a story was an assured part of all those gatherings we used have on those evenings. It was a long time ago. I was a kid then. People from our neighborhood forms the part of this meeting. Such meetings meant a lot of fun for all. The point is that this ‘grandma’ her eldest son and her eldest sons 3rd daughters 2nd son…all were real people who lived somewhere in our vicinity. But however, was the story real? I ‘am not yet sure. There was of course the fun of crafting rumors. Maybe those stories were true….at least to some extent…well who cares…? There were plenty of such similar stories…each day you get to hear a new one…some…I never understood anything…but that fact that I remember many of them even today is enough proof of the joy I had at those times. These things stays among my favorite childhood memories…


‘Bari Sahib’ Passes away!

January 12, 2008

Edmund Hillary with Tenzing Norgay


‘Sir Edmund Percival Hillary’  the first man to scale the great Mt. Everest, will now live in our memories!
Sir Edmund Hillary was truly, one of the most inspiring persons the world have ever seen. Let us salute the outstanding life of this outstanding person, for all those inspirations, his adventurous life have left on our generation.

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