January 25, 2009
“We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”
To be satisfied with everything is such an impossibility. And so is being unsatisfied about all things. When the excuses you find becomes of no further use, then you want a change. You are so much unsatisfied about yourself and you have to choose. You have to find out the best façade among all. But the one you choose would never work with you. And that is why you are always so much unsatisfied. Then you got to make another choice. It’s like a cycle. And soon you will forget what you really want and what you really are. Being confused about how to pretend is such an awkward state of life. I’ am tired about it.
Now, do forget the bakwaas. A while since I came on the blog now. This should be an update post or something. Life continues to be that little bitch. But it’s quiet okay with me now. The college is getting so boring and I find no interest in whatsoever they teach there. The fucking Lab guy there wants my hairs shortened. I have been working on this shit for a long time now and all of a sudden he wants it all cut down. No, it’s not about losing the hair, but about ‘Why the fuck should a bald headed lab assistant guy tell me what I should do about my hair?’ Is this their way of making the perfect bunch of unemployed engineers for the days to come? Fine anyway. Also, Internet connectivity had become such a scarce thing in my life. With more working days and the poor fucking wifi network provided by the college, the future seems so dull. By the way, why on earth am I droning about the college in the blog? Nothing makes any sense no more.
Last night a few of us friends had a weird interesting conversation on ‘How important it is to have an ability to sing’. Singers are turning out to be the sexiest people on the world. People unconditionally love this singer guys. Girls do it with added ‘unconditionality’. Now that’s something which surely doesn’t comfort you too much. Especially when you know that you can’t sing very well. While in the conversation we all admitted how envious we are all about these singing people. I mean we do love singers and all that but ain’t this a bit of a biased kind of world that we are living in? You could see this as the weak man’s side of the story, but that makes no difference to me whatsoever. Okay, now nothing goes unresolved when we friends have a serious talk. Finally we all decided to learn at least one musical instruments in our days. To splash water over that burning feeling of unworthiness and to convince ourselves that we are trying. Sick it sounds, but sicker it would be without something like this! No, but seriously, I have been craving to learn some kind of a musical instrument for a long time now. Haven’t decided which one or where, suggestions are open and are welcome on this. Lately, I have been so much depressed about how lazy things are getting to be and how badly I ‘am being all the more invisible to the world which I would love to get noticed by. It’s all complicated and it happens with everyone I think.
Well so much for the whining now. The perfectly senseless and weird post already served its purpose, as I ‘am feeling a bit better now! And I ‘am feeling hungry too.
P.S: In Tyler Durden, we trust!
November 9, 2008
Last day I was getting ready for the university examination and just about when I was to leave home, my mom came and told me to wait. She said it was ‘rahukalam’ right then and wanted me to wait till it gets over. Unlike the cool youngsters you see on T.V and movies, I wasn’t able to tell mom to stop being stupid. I didn’t tell a word. Instead I waited peacefully for half an hour and made sure that I ‘am free from all the bad omens. It was an important exam, and I hadn’t even covered half the portions for the exam, but that doesn’t matter. I left my home at the most auspicious timing!
Even though I pretend to be a very rational human being, the truth is that I often give into a lot of such superstitions’ in my life. I don’t think I really believe in stuff like this, but nonetheless there is an agitation or fear related with all these omen stuffs. The ‘nail superstitions’ is one ritual I have been practising since ages. Years ago my grandmother told me not to cut the nails on Tuesdays and Fridays. Again don’t cut your nails at the night. And me, I never really cut my nails at all! Sick, but propitious! And another related ritual is not to cut your nails while exams are going on (I don’t know where I got this one from). Most of the exams will be at least a month long. Longer the exams, longer will be my nails.These superstitions work when they add up with my laziness. Then there is this bird omen. There is this particular kind of local bird; if you see them in even numbers your day will be good and if they appear in odd numbers, your day is gone. The bird is very common around our place and I was sure to see one or two every day. And so, counting the birds almost became daily function. Back when I was a kid, I remember waiting for more birds to come and add up to an even number. Even now, if I see that bird, I usually count them! Breaking the glass is considered ominous. And I get to break one or two every month. Its real bad omen and my mother gets a sad face. I have even managed to break some glasses in someone else’s house and have felt bad seeing their face go dull! Then the lizard omen, which I got from a movie,which is the most terrifying among all. If a lizard falls on your head, it means that you would die soon! And I remember going mad with fear, when one fucking lizard fall on me one night. I lost sleep for some three days! Thankfully I didn’t die.
Ill omens are all what matters. And if some good omens come on my way, I normally won’t mind it. The rational me would think “Come on you loser, nothing good ain’t gonna happen with you just because a bird showed up or something”. But when bad ones show up, I somehow losses all the courage..!
And vary rarely am I really cared about the ultimate result of an omen. It’s generally all about that moment when it shows up on you. Maybe I will never gain the courage to overcome that moment’s aversion. Well that really doesn’t matter much, does it?
Anyway, I fucked up that exam, even after doing everything righteously! Don’t know how that happened!!
December 9, 2007
It was one another post ‘football match’ evening time. I was extremely tired after the game. Football games are great exercise, especially when u doesn’t know how to play. Running, running and running behind a ball… ho, I never used sweat these much on physical exertions, well indeed, times are changing! So we played football and I was tired. And I wanted some refreshment, nothing big, just a soda surbath (lime juice) or something like that. It should be chilled and it should be drunk in one gulp! Fine, so you need minimum Rs. 5 for the whole deal. But all I have got is this one BIG note and a 5 rupee coin. The 5 rupee coin however, is special. It is the latest addition from the Reserve Bank of India and it is made of ferritic stainless steel (no small deal, you see!!!)! [the new coin, it could be easily mistaken for a 50 paisa coin] I got it one week ago from a KSRTC bus, and since then I was proudly conserving it, like a valuable collector’s item. I’ am not ready to give it away. So, I borrowed little money from my friends and had that soda surbath! All too proud me! And the next day, again I was put into the same thirsty situation and I didn’t want to borrow money this time. I had that BIG note still with me, but the shopkeeper, I know won’t be too pleased with that. Hey, so what, can’t I adjust a bit? A little bit of thirst is nothing. I canceled my refreshment for the day. All too proud (and thirsty) me, again!
So, for the weekend I came home (from the hostel) with the latest five rupee coin still in my wallet. I never spoiled a chance to show off my great collector item to one and all I met and I was never ready to spend it, neither in the bus, nor for the auto rickshaw nor anywhere else.
And…err..but, now, when I look into my wallet, I don’t see a fu*king trace of that all too great coin! Where the fu*k did it go?? I ‘am screaming. For my thirst, for my pain (!), I need the coin back!! May be mom took it and gave it to a beggar (obviously, mistaking it for a 50 paisa) or someone else took it for something else. Whatsoever, I need the coin back…….! WTF, who cares? The coin is gone..accept the truth…
your coin is lost….!