So Head on to Re-Vi-You who have hired me to write for them (Yay!).
Please check it out. It’s amazing. *long pause*
Hello there! Here is a little update. I bought a new digital camera (Nothing big, just a prosumer-level super zoom model-this one) a few weeks ago, in the good hope of liberating all the photographic curiosities in me! So, here I ‘m putting up some of the photographs I ‘ve taken during the last few days, just to make things a little ceremonious and also to keep this blog a bit more personalized. WordPress doesn’t allow me to embed the slideshow here. So you would have to go there manually by Clicking Here!
Do check the photos and do leave feedbacks. 🙂
Do you believe in luck? I do. More than ever, now! The significance of luck in the existence of every human being is appreciably larger than what most of us would like to agree. People would always love to believe in themselves and their abilities. And that’s not a bad thing, not until you overestimate your own control on things. A comprehension of what is beyond your own capabilities is always good. And apparently what is in your control may become microscopic when you compare it with what is beyond you. Luck is essentially everything that is out of our control and that what controls us. Everything that directly or indirectly shapes up the evolution of our civilizations. Our co-existence with an elaborate social structure is heavily influenced by our chances.
Our present can be seen as an outcome to an array of both controllable and uncontrollable events of past. We generally feel blind about what is out of our power and consequently comes to think that all what is happening is a net resultant of all what we are doing. It’s basically a delusion. We generally care only about that microscopic part of our life of which we are in control. And perhaps for ensuring some sort of a progression in our existence such a delusion is very important. If we stop caring about what we should be cared about, it’s failure again. So consider Mr. A, who is presently doing engineering, and if A works hard, in future he would become a successful engineer. ‘If he works hard’ is the microscopic controllable fraction and all what we are concerned about. There is an indomitable past, present and future to it. ‘A’ was born in a family, a place, a country where he could afford to go learn engineering. Mr. A possibly couldn’t have had any say on such things. Then there is an equally uncertain future. What if Mr. A get’s into an accident or what if America decides to attack Mr. A’s country? A becomes not what he chooses to be, but what a set of random interrelated incidents around him leads him to be. Chaos.
Then there are two other concepts of fate and destiny, which I think is absurd. In fate your luck is predetermined. It was already determined that Mr. A should be born in that particular place, family, country and should go to engineering and no matter how hard he tries he wouldn’t become a successful engineer if the fate has it that way. Now that’s perennial hopelessness. But in many ways luck is not. Your luck is not predetermined. But you couldn’t do anything about either. You are not in control. Nobody is!
So who decides what luck should come to you? GOD, maybe? No I don’t think so. Because if he was in control why would GOD give Mr. A all the luck in the world to become an engineer while Mr. B born in a poor family in Afghanistan, who happens to be a little more intelligent and talented , get’s neglected ? Why would you get the providence today to enjoy that late night party with your friends, when in some other parts of the world men are mourning the deaths of their own sons and daughters? Why them and not you? Is god biased that way? May be, the intervention of the divine power in our lives is a far more complicated and unsettled subject.
So, it’s just a thought on how random and uncertain our life is. It’s not about the good luck or the bad luck but about how out of control everything is. Most people would tell you that you can make your own luck. I believe they are lying. Lying, probably only to help you out. Only to sustain a harmless fallacy that would lead to an overall happiness. I believe in luck for all the livid perplexity it offers. Like Woody Allen I believe in the man who said ‘I would rather be lucky than be good’.
P.S: Sorry for that shameless lame example of Mr. A and engineering. Just too sorry about that!
“We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”
To be satisfied with everything is such an impossibility. And so is being unsatisfied about all things. When the excuses you find becomes of no further use, then you want a change. You are so much unsatisfied about yourself and you have to choose. You have to find out the best façade among all. But the one you choose would never work with you. And that is why you are always so much unsatisfied. Then you got to make another choice. It’s like a cycle. And soon you will forget what you really want and what you really are. Being confused about how to pretend is such an awkward state of life. I’ am tired about it.
Now, do forget the bakwaas. A while since I came on the blog now. This should be an update post or something. Life continues to be that little bitch. But it’s quiet okay with me now. The college is getting so boring and I find no interest in whatsoever they teach there. The fucking Lab guy there wants my hairs shortened. I have been working on this shit for a long time now and all of a sudden he wants it all cut down. No, it’s not about losing the hair, but about ‘Why the fuck should a bald headed lab assistant guy tell me what I should do about my hair?’ Is this their way of making the perfect bunch of unemployed engineers for the days to come? Fine anyway. Also, Internet connectivity had become such a scarce thing in my life. With more working days and the poor fucking wifi network provided by the college, the future seems so dull. By the way, why on earth am I droning about the college in the blog? Nothing makes any sense no more.
Last night a few of us friends had a weird interesting conversation on ‘How important it is to have an ability to sing’. Singers are turning out to be the sexiest people on the world. People unconditionally love this singer guys. Girls do it with added ‘unconditionality’. Now that’s something which surely doesn’t comfort you too much. Especially when you know that you can’t sing very well. While in the conversation we all admitted how envious we are all about these singing people. I mean we do love singers and all that but ain’t this a bit of a biased kind of world that we are living in? You could see this as the weak man’s side of the story, but that makes no difference to me whatsoever. Okay, now nothing goes unresolved when we friends have a serious talk. Finally we all decided to learn at least one musical instruments in our days. To splash water over that burning feeling of unworthiness and to convince ourselves that we are trying. Sick it sounds, but sicker it would be without something like this! No, but seriously, I have been craving to learn some kind of a musical instrument for a long time now. Haven’t decided which one or where, suggestions are open and are welcome on this. Lately, I have been so much depressed about how lazy things are getting to be and how badly I ‘am being all the more invisible to the world which I would love to get noticed by. It’s all complicated and it happens with everyone I think.
Well so much for the whining now. The perfectly senseless and weird post already served its purpose, as I ‘am feeling a bit better now! And I ‘am feeling hungry too.
P.S: In Tyler Durden, we trust!
When we reached Tiruvandapuram at morning 4 0’ clock nothing had any amount of certainty. Standing in the packed train for more than four hours to reach here, had already made us tired to death. The plan is to meet the acclaimed writer-director Renjith for an interview for the college magazine and to have some good fun at the ongoing international film festival of Kerala. Except for that plan, everything was in perfect chaos at that point of time. The friend who had an uncle, who supposedly was arranging everything for us, was not even available on the phone. Our expectations were quiet low and we were completely prepared to get kicked in the ass.
It all began when we heard that our college magazine has got three pages reserved for an interview every year. Since the editor was a guy from our own hostel, we made sure that we will do the interview this year.
Since then we had kind of elaborate plans and all such stuff. It must have been several months now. We tried to contact Renjith on phone but failed many times. So, everything was in ‘out-of-the-hands’ state when last day suddenly I got a call from my friend. He said Renjith had agreed for the interview on 15th morning 8 o clock (that was a day after tomorrow then!) at Tvm. It was 200+km and just one day ahead. Wow!
The plan was to make the questions for the interview while in the train during the 4 hour journey. But the train was fucking too crowded. Not even enough space to stand straight. Fantastic. Also some friends called telling that they probably couldn’t make it.
So now we stand at the capital city perfectly unaware of anything that’s coming our way.
Square one state!
After some 2-3 hours came the Friend’s phone call. Things gained pace with that. The vagueness started to disappear and to our own surprise, everything started to get into an order. At 10 o’ clock morning, we finally talked to the man on phone and he asked us to come. The venue was a theatre. Two of his movies were going to be screened today and he was awfully busy. We found him in the middle of a group of some top shot directors of Malayalam. Now, assuming our excitement level is your job!
Interview lasted for something like one hour.
The man was just electrifying. He started to give elaborate answers to each of our questions with such ease and frankness. He suddenly took the control of the whole deal going on. We felt a particular warmth and love in the way he reacted. We felt valued!
It was a cricketer’s delight at his maiden century or a child’s excitement on being at the top of an elephant or the ecstasy of the lost at being heard. It was beautiful. May be the interview wasn’t that good. But when we finally walked out of the place for some food, we felt really good.
Then there was a bunch of worthy movies to watch at the IFFK. But bad luck for us there. A pass was required to watch the movies and what did we knew. We went to watch Priyadarshan’s Kanchivaram, and were surprised by the huge crowd there. We understood that it was impossible without a pass and peacefully roamed around the city talking a lot of photographs and gradually started back home by noon.
It was still a worthy deal for us anyway.
I will post the interview (which was in malayalam) after our college magazine comes out. The photos are strictly copyrighted.
Last day I was getting ready for the university examination and just about when I was to leave home, my mom came and told me to wait. She said it was ‘rahukalam’ right then and wanted me to wait till it gets over. Unlike the cool youngsters you see on T.V and movies, I wasn’t able to tell mom to stop being stupid. I didn’t tell a word. Instead I waited peacefully for half an hour and made sure that I ‘am free from all the bad omens. It was an important exam, and I hadn’t even covered half the portions for the exam, but that doesn’t matter. I left my home at the most auspicious timing!
Even though I pretend to be a very rational human being, the truth is that I often give into a lot of such superstitions’ in my life. I don’t think I really believe in stuff like this, but nonetheless there is an agitation or fear related with all these omen stuffs. The ‘nail superstitions’ is one ritual I have been practising since ages. Years ago my grandmother told me not to cut the nails on Tuesdays and Fridays. Again don’t cut your nails at the night. And me, I never really cut my nails at all! Sick, but propitious! And another related ritual is not to cut your nails while exams are going on (I don’t know where I got this one from). Most of the exams will be at least a month long. Longer the exams, longer will be my nails.These superstitions work when they add up with my laziness. Then there is this bird omen. There is this particular kind of local bird; if you see them in even numbers your day will be good and if they appear in odd numbers, your day is gone. The bird is very common around our place and I was sure to see one or two every day. And so, counting the birds almost became daily function. Back when I was a kid, I remember waiting for more birds to come and add up to an even number. Even now, if I see that bird, I usually count them! Breaking the glass is considered ominous. And I get to break one or two every month. Its real bad omen and my mother gets a sad face. I have even managed to break some glasses in someone else’s house and have felt bad seeing their face go dull! Then the lizard omen, which I got from a movie,which is the most terrifying among all. If a lizard falls on your head, it means that you would die soon! And I remember going mad with fear, when one fucking lizard fall on me one night. I lost sleep for some three days! Thankfully I didn’t die.
Ill omens are all what matters. And if some good omens come on my way, I normally won’t mind it. The rational me would think “Come on you loser, nothing good ain’t gonna happen with you just because a bird showed up or something”. But when bad ones show up, I somehow losses all the courage..!
And vary rarely am I really cared about the ultimate result of an omen. It’s generally all about that moment when it shows up on you. Maybe I will never gain the courage to overcome that moment’s aversion. Well that really doesn’t matter much, does it?
Anyway, I fucked up that exam, even after doing everything righteously! Don’t know how that happened!!